I thought as I moved closer and closer to the 8-week mark and my appointment that I would gradually start feeling less anxious and more confident about this venture. I'm finding the opposite to be true. I did have a period in the middle where I felt a little more peace, but it seems to be getting worse and worse as the day looms in. I keep analyzing my symptoms--or lack of symptoms--and reading and reading and reading, which is making me more and more and more paranoid.
My last POAS freaked me out, too--at 20 DPO when I took a test, the test line was so much darker than the control line! But the other day when I was feeling paranoid, I decided to take a test to feel encouraged by the dark line and it was just about the same color as the control. I keep reading and Survey Says those tests aren't accurate after six weeks and it is not an indication of my hcg levels.
Okay. But I can't stop worrying about a missed miscarriage. It seems like the mm/c is fairly common, and it's freaking me out. I haven't had a single bout of spotting or cramping or anything that seems troublesome. I wish not having my period come were a sure sign, but now that I know about mm/c, I am terrified of it. I'm so worried that when I go to the doctor on Thursday, I'm going to have a little bean who stuck but stopped growing. I don't know why I have such a doomed feeling--should I trust that feeling and prepare myself or is my mind just playing tricks out of fear?
I know one thing, though... I'm getting so fat already! Mom told me I already look pregnant--awesome. I tried to put on a skirt this morning but I looked ridiculous! I can't have people thinking I'm pregnant before I ever announce it. I haven't been eating that badly so I don't know why my hips are so wide and I'm getting a belly already, but it is not a pretty sight.